Books, Christmas, Christmas, Solstice & Hannukah, Family life, gift guide

Milkweed Montessori’s 2018 Gift Guide

Tomorrow is December. December is tomorrow!

Currently, my notes to self sound something like this:

Finding gifts for the children in your life doesn’t need to feel like one more obligation. Tune in to the child, and where they are right now, at this moment in their life. Pay attention to what they need, or don’t need. Have you already won the global lottery? Acknowledge it. Apply the buyerarchy of needs (see below). Give from a place of peace, generosity, and unattachment. Receive in the same way.

Buyerarchy of Needs by Sarah Lazarovic

We usually give one main gift, one book, and one stocking for each of our children. It winds up being more than enough (especially with generous extended family members), but helps to avoid gift-unwrapping overwhelm. You’ll find this list is longer than that, in part because I wanted to recommend books and products that our family has experienced and enjoyed. I’m also planning to offer myself the gift of a social media break during the holidays, something that I think the whole family might enjoy.

May your December be one of peace, joy, and gratitude.

Gifts for birth to age 3: 

Reflecting mobile, for the newborn in the family

the family bed by Katie Flindall

Cozy, family-focused art by Katie Flindall, for the nursery or playroom (pictured)

A smart, seasonal subscription to Babybug magazine

Lola at the Library book

In the Town, All Year Round book — If you have a child in your life who likes to point at pictures in books, you owe it to them to give them this book. Jasper is 6, and he loves to pour over each page, but a beloved friend of ours (who was 18 months old when we gave it to him last Christmas) has literally worn the binding off the book with frequent page-turning.

my heart fills with happinessMy Heart Fills with Happiness — a book that’s a pleasure to read aloud

Ikea’s classic indoor play tunnel never gets old with the wee ones

A jar of homemade playdough 

 

Gifts for 3-6 year olds:

The Little Book of Woodland Bird Songs

Julián Is a Mermaid book

The best quality crayons  — pricier than other crayons, but the last ones you’ll ever need to buy.

Big movement toys like an indoor swing, triangle ladder or a tumbling mat

Amaryllis bulbs make a lovely gift for a preschool age child

Amaryllis or paperwhite bulbs — hear me out: those boxed bulbs you find in any box store are fast-growing, with dramatic results. Kids of all ages will love to plant, tend, and observe their very own indoor bulbs, and they add such beauty to a January day. These also make great gifts for children to give to someone who will send regular updates on how the bulbs are growing, a connection Jasper and his great-grandmother have shared in winters past.

A straw broom

Micro Mini Scooter — my kids each have one of these sturdy scooters, and Sage has been riding hers since before she was 2! With their three-wheel design, they are safe, speedy, and stand upright on their own. A must-have for getting to the beach and the library.

 

Gifts for 6+:

Morakniv Rookie — a great first knife for use outdoors, with extra safety features. Perfect for sharpening sticks.IMG_7785

Rock tumbler —  Jasper has been very interested on rocks, gems and minerals for some time now, and a rock tumbler is a tool that could help continue his hands-on explorations

binGO WILD animal riddle game

mountain meets the moon

The beautiful and riveting adventure novel Where the Mountain Meets the Moon

Hand vacuum —  something Jasper specifically asked for!

The Illustrated Harry Potter books

The Water Walker book — inspiration and encouragement for the keen and passionate second plane of development, from a modern day hero

Gifts for the adult who loved looking at this list (feel free to forward this to your Secret Santa): 

montessori liberation tee“Montessori as an act of liberation” t-shirt raises funds to get Amelia to the Montessori for Social Justice conference

A donation to the Montessori school at South Bend’s Centre for the Homeless 

All of the beeswax candles from Wild Luminescence

wild luminescence candle

Toddler Discipline for Every Age and Stage book — a deep dive into practical and developmentally appropriate ways to connect with your toddler, even when times get tough, by Aubrey Hargis of Child of the Redwoods (and founder of the vibrant Montessori 101 Facebook community)

An unlined Moleskin notebook for notes & sketches

A supportive subscription to the in-depth anti-bias, anti-racist work Tiffany Jewell and Britt Hawthorne are doing

“Raise Them Curious” t-shirt for Mamas and Papas trying to do just that

Gift guides from years past: 

A gift guide for the Montessori home (2017)

How to avoid rapidly changing holiday priorities: a gift guide (2015)

A Merry Montessori Toddler Gift List (2014)

Read more about our advent of adventure — an experience-focused holiday tradition.  And a bit of evergreen holiday wisdom, from December of 2015.

Disclaimer: this list includes affiliate links in which I earn a tiny percentage of any purchases made via these links. If you do decide to gift any of these items, consider doing so through the links on this page. 

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18 months, 18-21 months, 22-24 months, 24-28 months, Family life, Montessori philosophy

The toddler question

 

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Life with toddlers: it’s not for the faint of heart.

Toddlers are wonderful humans. They are curious and compassionate, full of energy and emotion. I live with one myself, a little sprite who brings joy to the whole family each day, and who embraces and insists upon independence, choice, and doing it herself!

One of the greatest gifts I received during my Montessori training a few years back was my teacher’s wonderful advice to, in the midst of those inevitable stormy moments with a toddler, step back from the intensity of the storm and ask: what is the child’s developmental need? 

I learned that, contrary to our culture’s comments on tantrums and the “terrible twos,” a toddler isn’t developmentally capable of being willful. Toddlers are naturally without motive — it’s not until around three years-old that a child’s own will actually even develops.

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What drives a toddler is this forward movement into their own development.

Occasionally, there are limits that interrupt that forward motion — whether it’s a parent, who absent-mindedly takes over zipping up a jacket, or needs a child to be buckled into a car seat — or even just the physical limits of the natural world, like when a child wants to fit a large block into a small hole. Encountering these edges can mean that joyful child is suddenly frustrated — more so than seems reasonable to the parent who has their own set of expectations front of mind.

It’s then, in the moment, that we can step back, take a deep breath, and ask: what is the child’s developmental need? It’s a crucial moment, one in which we take ourselves out of the heat of our own emotion about what’s happening, and try to see the world from our toddler’s perspective. Rather than, say, this one:

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Montessori identified that there are certain times in a child’s life when they are overwhelmingly interested in and able to take in certain developmental stages, called sensitive periods. Sometimes parents see their child acting “obsessed,” repeatedly doing the same thing: taking shoes on and off, climbing the stairs, turning lights off. Whenever that repeated activity is happening, you can bet that it’s because some big learning is happening.

As caregivers, understanding sensitive periods can shed light on what is happening for a frustrated toddler. Toddlers are sensitive to order, they have a need for movement, and for language.

A toddler who is sensitive to order — a natural desire that things should be “just so”— might be like the little guy I met at a party a few years ago. People were gathered around the door, some dressing, some going out, and a little toddler stood in the midst of it all, insisting that the open door should be closed. His mother was getting annoyed, it seemed inappropriate — some folks were about to go out. But from his perspective, he saw something that was out of order: an open door should be closed.

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I used to see this chart Maria Montessori created as a sort of report card, to see how my child measured up. Now I understand: it’s a list of needs. What if a child at 15 months NEEDS to walk without help? Game-changing. (Chart from The Absorbent Mind)

I know a sweet little girl who lives in a one-storey home. Get that girl into a house with stairs, and she’s got one focus, every time: up, then down. Up, then down. She’s gotta move! I remember reading somewhere that Maria Montessori suspected that the reason young kids love slides so much isn’t actually about the sliding: it’s all about the stairs.

I’ve faced all kinds of challenges with a child in need of movement: a long flight with a toddler on my lap, a music class for toddlers that expected my 13-month old to stay seated for 30 minutes, or simply a Tuesday afternoon preschool pick-up deadline, with a toddler who didn’t get enough playtime after her nap.

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So what’s to be done when developmental need bumps up against the edges of regular family life?

Sometimes just recognizing what the developmental need is takes the intensity out and gives me compassion for my child in the moment, and that in itself feels like enough.

Sometimes you spend most of a party over on the stairs, letting that eager girl climb.

Sometimes I have to say: “I know you’d like to keep walking, but we need to take the car to get there on time. Do you want to climb in or do you need my help?” And if she keeps on running, I take that as a choice that she needs my help getting into the car (and I make a note: this toddler needs some freedom to move).

This parenting thing is always imperfect, but looking for the developmental need can offer just the type of opportunity I’m always looking for as a mom: to bring a little more space into a stressful moment.

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18-21 months, Uncategorized

Blossoming independence

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Spring is a time of awakening — both outside and inside of our home.

With a long and especially harsh winter behind us, we’ve been happily casting off the trappings of winter and embracing the blooms of spring.

No longer stuffed into snowsuits with full-body zippers and snaps and Velcro at every potential source of wind, Jasper is free to experiment with putting his light jacket on and off, and zipping up and down. We’re into prime rubber boot weather here, and they make the perfect introduction to independent shoe-wearing. J can find his boots, put them on, take them off, and return them to their home all on his own. He’s taken to exploring all other forms of footwear we have around and is now an avid Velcro-ripper.

Towards the end of winter, Jasper had begun to make his first forays into the backyard alone. We have a medium-sized fenced yard in a small town, and a sliding glass door from the house which allows for some occasional surreptitious supervision. It’s a great opportunity for us both to develop some independence! With the ice and deep snow gone from the yard, he’s more confident than ever, journeying to the furthest corners of the fences and climbing the ladder to the slide. Following the child these days often means 7 AM visits to the bird feeder. When I go out to the yard to work in the garden, he comes with me, and we’ll each do our work-play separately, but together. And, occasionally we’ll join each other for a little while.

Jasper reached 18 months back in March, and I feel now that I have a first-hand understanding why so many Montessori toddler programs begin at 18 months. It’s like a switch has been flipped, and he’s entered a whole new realm of illumination. Or maybe I should say we have, because as he grows, so do I.

Have you noticed certain seasons or ages or phases when your child suddenly seemed to developmentally leap forward? I’m curious to know what I should look out for in the future.

P.S. While writing this post, the doorbell rang and a package from Montessori Services was delivered, so you may expect some fresh indoor practical life content coming soon!

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