0-2 months, Family life

A life together

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“Our commitment must start
where life begins.”
— Silvana Quattrocchi Montanaro

After what’s felt like a long break — a whole lifetime in our new daughter’s case — I’m so very happy to return to this space, and to introduce our new baby, Sage.

Sage and I, along with big brother and her dad, have been both enjoying these first few weeks of her life, and also working through the inherent challenges together.

Montessori philosophy refers to this time as “symbiotic life,” or “life together.” The mother and the newborn are partners in a way of living that is mutually beneficial as they move together beyond the intense change that takes place at birth. We are able to do this through gentleness, respect and intention while holding and physically being with the baby, handling — dressing, bathing and caring for the baby with our hands, and feeding (in our case, breastfeeding).

For a modern mom with a busy schedule, a social life, and other commitments, the symbiotic life means a serious step back from the life before baby was born, and a certain degree of acceptance that life in the home, with the baby, is the centre — at least for now. For me, that acceptance is often easily surpassed by a blissful embracing of this life’s pace, and also sometimes comes begrudgingly (cut to the scene where my husband meets our friends at the well-appointed tequila bar down the street for a well-deserved break).

The pay off is huge, though: what’s happening during this relatively short time is that Sage is learning deep truths about the world, truths that she’ll carry with her for the rest of her life. As we observe her and respond to her needs, she learns that she is loved, that she can trust her environment, that when needed, help will come. Important stuff.

We did so much reading and talking together to prepare Jasper for life as a big brother, and he’s done wonderfully. At two and a half, he very loving toward his sister, he’s able to patiently wait (most of the time) for her needs to be met before the next game of hide and seek can begin, he’s become even more connected with his dad, and he’s made huge leaps in independence in lots of areas (and at times of high need, taken a few steps back, too).

He’s also been very patient with a mom who’s sometimes short on it. The adjustment to being mama to two children has been harder than I expected, and coupled with the usual hormonal highs and lows of the post-partum period, it’s been a roller coaster. We’re starting to find our new rhythms and ways together though, and as we begin to venture out into the world, I’m so grateful to find myself among this party of four.

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6 thoughts on “A life together

  1. Meghan what a lovely but also important post.
    As a family that missed the symbiotic period with Quentin because of his premature birth, and now, as a family with a hectic schedule we know all too well the importance of slowing down and being at peace with life’s changes especially in those precious short weeks after a new baby has arrived.
    We are so happy for your family. She is beautiful.

    Like

    • Thanks Beth! Your experiences with Quentin have been on my mind over the past few weeks — and inspiration to keep my priorities straight during this time.

      Like

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